oreo wow milk
The persistent ringing of the alarm felt like a clenched fist clad in a boxing glove smashing into the comfortable darkness of sleep, breaking it into a thousand shreds. Ah fuck. A day started with a headache is a day started just right, isn’t it? Meaghan slowly opened her eyes, the few rays of sunshine that got through the tightly shut curtains burning into her corneas. What is the point of mornings anyways? She squinted at the clock on the wall, pretending like she didn’t have -3.5 in her left eye and -3 in her right eye. 9am, fucking ungodly. 3, 2, 1 and... get up! Didn’t work. Okay, let’s try again. 3, 2, 1 and get up! The blood rushed to her head, the room swam and she took a deep breath.
“Ugh. Disgusting.”
She felt the dryness on her tongue and in her throat and looked at the water bottle on her bedside table, but didn’t reach for it, instead getting up and wobbling over to the bathroom.
Pee, flush, drop shirt, drop sweatpants, drop panties, check for necklaces, and it was time for the most important part of the day.
Right foot, left foot, 131.4 pounds. Down a pound. Good.
She picked up the sweatpants and the shirt off the floor and walked back into the bedroom, reaching for that water bottle and downing the leftover water. Had a granola bar yesterday at 1pm to break my fast and then went to the gym for thirty minutes, had a cup of soup for dinner and two pieces of chocolate with tea in between. The day before that I did the same exact thing except it was a salad instead of the soup and I didn’t lose anything, so soup works better then. She turned the knob of the shower and felt the water temperature with her fingertips. Too cold. More to the left. I’m supposed to break the fast today at 11, so let’s do 12 just to be sure. What time am I going to the gym? Still too cold, it’s freezing today, more to the left. Should I just eat the granola bar after I work out? Might get dizzy though, so maybe not. Still too cold, she looked down and saw the knob all the way turned to the left, the water couldn’t get any warmer. Still too cold.
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As she walked down the crowded 5th Avenue, her eyes shifted over the bodies of the women walking past her, their focus entirely somewhere else, unaware of the stranger comparing the size of their thighs size to her own. The woman in the green turtleneck had a tiny waist, was that twenty three inches? Maybe even twenty two? How many minutes until I break my fast? The teenage girl that seemed to be rushing somewhere had such an evident thigh gap, her jeans fit so nicely, was that size four? Size six? What time am I eating dinner today? The girl in the long brown coat clutching her phone had such thin wrists, can she touch her thumb to her pinky when she wraps her hand around it? 87 calories in the soup I’ll have for dinner, 100 for a banana, 16 for four strawberries, minus 100 I’ll burn on the elliptical today, oh and minus the four flights of stairs I walked up before I left the building, 0.17 calories per stair, twenty stairs per flight, multiply, 3.4 per flight, four flights, 3.4 times 4, that makes it…
“Excuse me, miss, could you watch where you’re going?” The angry voice came from above, and she looked up to see a man about twice her size. She must have bumped into him, too invested in her own shoelaces and the numbers circulating in her head.
She felt dizzy, sparks flying around the man’s face and random dark spots appearing out of nowhere.
“Sorry, I’m sorry.” She mumbled, pushing past him and quickly fishing for the water bottle in her bag.
She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, “Hey! Haven’t seen you in forever, sweetheart. Do you want to maybe grab bubble tea today around three? My treat, I know how much you love those Oreo Wow Milks with the extra oreo crumbs!” She read over the text and felt a pang of joy, a slight warmth spreading through her chest, almost as if the knob on her heart was turned all the way to the left. The text was so innocent, so genuine, she could picture Emily smiling excitedly, the way she always did when she took a sip of Meaghan’s Oreo Wow Milk, clearly liking it more than whatever random drink she chose to get this time. “If you like it so much, why don’t you ever get one for yourself?” She would say, and Emily would take on a sophisticated look and say something stupid about trying new things in life. Meaghan chuckled to herself, she really did miss Emily. “Of course, darling! I’ll meet you there, can’t wait!” She clicked send with a fond smile on her face.
She turned a corner towards the school and walked past a Kung Fu Tea. Her eyes lingered on a girl in the corner of the cafe, drinking a large Oreo Wow Milk with what Meaghan noticed were two different toppings: oreo crumbs and tapioca. She was wearing a big shirt and baggy pants, so the curves of her body weren’t up for display, but Meaghan noticed her thin fingers clutching at the cup. About 400 calories for the drink plus the 199 for the tapioca plus the 93 for the oreo crumbs, 692 calories in that, she’s drinking 692 calories. Drinking them. Meaghan felt the anxiety bubbling up in her chest, her heartbeat speeding up enough that she could hear every thump in her ears, and the knot tying at the pit of her stomach that seemed to always appear at the sight of simple carbs and saturated fats and calories above 200 per serving. Empty calories. So many empty calories. God.
She reached toward the bone on her left wrist, grazing it with her pointer finger, moving her wrist up and down, feeling it shift under her touch. Pointer finger to thumb, middle finger to thumb, ring finger to thumb, pinky to thumb. Breathe. The anxiety started to dissipate, and her focus finally shifted away from the Wow Milk in the girl’s hands and how the line of the drink in the cup was getting lower and lower with each sip. Getting closer and closer to 692 calories.
She shook her head, sped up her pace, and pulled out her phone again, staring at the text from Emily. The calories she had planned out for the day that sat neatly in the cabinet she placed them in suddenly started to scatter all over the place, the control slipping, random calories adding up, numbers bigger than 400, bigger than 500, bigger than 692. After I reach 125 pounds. Then I’ll get the Wow Milk, then I’ll be okay, it’ll all be okay then. “On second thought, I’m actually really busy for the next couple of weeks, I’ll make sure to text you once my schedule frees up a little bit, missing you lots and lots!” She typed out, the tips of her fingers barely feeling the keys she was pressing. Since when is April such a cold month? It’s probably the global warming.